I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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