On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
