God, you're like boner-b-gone
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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