quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
