We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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