So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
