it's like iHOP with fire
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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