Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
