Having a random hookup so left but love u
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
