I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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