Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
