You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
