I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was CRYING into my vagina
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
