i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
