so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
