Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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