Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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