i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
