I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
