Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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