just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My breasts were aching with rage.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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