There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
