yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
