I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
