the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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