She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
