She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
