guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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