I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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