What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
