normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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