Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
