This girl is more easily done than said...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
