If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
