i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
