i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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