I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
