i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
