Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
