I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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