I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
