I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
