Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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