You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
