matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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