I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
