his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
