so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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