I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
