you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
