brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
