paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
