you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
