last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
