Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
